Making an Objective Assessment
Reaching a certain age doesn't mean that your child suddenly has the necessary mind set and tools to mitigate risk. Parents must objectively assess their child's strengths and weaknesses. Their independence should be earned and this is a gradual process rather than the, "today is the day" approach. This gradual process also provides the parent with much needed confidence that their child is indeed prepared for this step.
Working towards walking to school or riding the bus should be viewed in the same way a youngster works towards becoming a babysitter. There are courses that need to be taken as well as an assessment of their abilities to manage children, respond appropriately to crisis, and a number of other responsibilities. This just makes sense and most reasonable adults wouldn't permit a younger person to babysit without all of these things in place.
Assessment Criteria
The following is a list of some of the things I would want to include in the assessment of my child's ability to move towards independence and walking to school.
Awareness: Is your child someone who is aware of the things that go on around him or her?
Assertiveness: Does your child demonstrate the ability to speak up and set limits with children and adults, or, are they overly concerned that doing so might be perceived as rude or disrespectful? Does your child look people in the eye when interacting and do they appear confident when speaking to peers as well as adults?
Crisis Response: Has your child demonstrated the ability to respond well to dynamic situations or even crisis?
The following are just a few examples:
• You arrived late for school pick up, and your child made logical and appropriate decisions in response.
• Another child was choking and your child immediately took appropriate action.
• Your child can provide you with a good response to a number of personal safety what if's? (they will likely need the tools, tips and training to do so)
If you have assessed that your child is ready to walk to school or a friend's house, I recommend the following tips and strategies to increase their safety.
Safe Walking:
• Have your child join a group of two or three other children on the walk
• Make sure the group is on the same page ( an unaware friend or perhaps a mouthy buddy could present additional challenges to the groups safety)
• Plan the safest route (walk it yourself and with your child) and involve them in the planning process (don't use this time to scare them, rather build their confidence and show you trust them)
• Point out public places they can go into if needed and perhaps trusted friends or neighbours houses (block watch)
• Have them walk opposite to the direction of traffic and of course, utilize cross walks
• Encourage them to tell you about their walk that day; what did they see, who did they speak to, any houses for sale, interesting dogs etc. (this will help you show their level of awareness)
• Don't be upset with them for saying hello to people. By the time your child is independently walking or riding the bus, they should already have the tools to assess the difference between a friendly wave and hello, from behaviours of concern. If you handle this whole process well, your child will feel comfortable about telling you about any behaviours they recognized as unusual or of concern.
• Equipping your child with a cell phone (in case of emergency) makes good sense.
Teaching children about personal safety is an ongoing process. There are life lessons happening on a daily basis that we can use as examples. Remember that the way you live your life is a model for how your children will live theirs. Children tend to benefit much more from the, "do as I do" approach as opposed to the, "do as I say" approach. Personal safety is important for everyone in the family.
Hugh Pelmore is the President of ARETE safety and protection inc., a Canadian firm that specializes in training and consultation for workplace violence prevention and management of workplace conflict. Mr. Pelmore has facilitated more than 4300 workshops since 1993 and is recognized as one of Canada's leading experts. Clients include the Provincial Government of BC, BC Hydro, the University of Western Ontario, BC Hydro, WorkSafeBC and the City of Vancouver.