Teenagers of today are different from and yet the same as teenagers from two decades ago. Even one decade ago, teenagers grew up in an amazingly different environment.
Think about how technology has influenced our lives and the lives of teenagers.
How many teenagers do you know who do not have a cell phone with them less than 50% of their waking hours? Teenagers are sending hundreds and thousands of texts in one day!
Information is gathered and delivered so quickly today, and with the advent of social media, building a relationship has a whole new meaning.
Or does it?
In this article we are exploring the three most important rules of the road when it comes to helping teenagers navigate today's world and their lives. We also bust open a myth that prevails in the world.
Teenagers' brains are getting wired differently than mine did when I was their age. I grew up with the Discman and knew about cell phones, as they were on television being carried in large bags. Today's teenagers complete their homework, open up their laptops, watch television, and play with apps on their iPhones. Today's teenagers are engaged and busy.
Many of today's teenagers send a massive amount of texts throughout the day, and oftentimes sending them during their class period. This can increase stress as they have pressure to reply, and a message may carry some sort of relationship drama information.
Combine this with a super savvy marketing machine that targets teenagers with amazing campaigns built just for them, and you have pressure on teenagers that was not present only fifteen years ago.
It is a wonder teenagers can sleep with all the stimulation hitting them.
Do teenagers care about this? Do teenagers care about anything? Sometimes we may think the answer is no.
After speaking with several teenagers, I know this to be a false assumption. In fact, teenagers care about the world on a very deep level. Most teenagers love people and their communities and at times they may come off as harsh or indifferent because that is the only response available to them. In other words, they do not know how to react another way. No one has taught them.
How do we help teenagers?
Yes, teenagers need help. We keep handing them chainsaws in the form of social media and technology tools, expecting them to know how to use them. And, many people are being hurt.
We must educate teenagers and hold them to high standards when it comes to accountability with their words and actions. Here are the three keys to being successful when helping teenagers.
The first key is to show you care. Actually caring about a teenager can be felt, and this carries a lot of great value with it whether you do much more than simply care! Of course, telling the teenager you care and following this up with action is the best way to show that you care. Tell them you care and ask questions that have meaning. Do not ask, "How was your day?" and leave it at that. Get to know the teenager and ask deep questions that get at the teen's emotions. Dig a little bit, and this will show you care.
The second key is to make time to simply "be" with the teenager. Many of us are hustle and bustle these days, and this does not help to build relationships. We must find the time to engage in an activity and to simply be there in person. During this time we do not have to teach nor talk. Having presence is the second key.
The final key to helping teenagers is to give them space. This may seem to be the opposite of the above two keys; however, it goes along with them. Teenagers need to feel independent and have space to explore life on their own. When we show we care and we make time to spend with teens, we also have to create space intentionally to let teenagers know we respect them and their decision making. We can always start small with this space and let teenagers build or re-build their trust with us. Just know that this is a crucial key to helping teenagers.
Putting the keys together will help teenagers navigate life and learn the rules of the road.
Matthew Kuehlhorn is America's Mentor for Teens. He has created the Relationship Building System for Teen which is delivered in a compelling, illustrated novel, titled, "Bully."
He invites you to take advantage of an amazing offer for the Relationship Building System online at http://www.rulesoftheroadforteens.com/.
Matthew teaches the "Rules of the Road: Business, Finance, Life" to teenagers who are ready for the "keys" to their life! He offers mentoring programs, online and published resources, and locally organized "Success Clubs." Learn more by visiting his website above.