Planting a healthy family tree is easy...especially if you like who you are and enjoy other people and want only the best for them, there is only one problem:
We often assume we know all there is to know about others in our family, but people keep most of who they are hidden away from the outside world. The other aspect of people that comes to mind is that they change, right before your eyes and you're totally unaware that they are doing so.
Now there are two things going on here:
your family member is hiding from you and themselvesyour family member is changing right before your eyesSo with that knowledge, we really didn't ever know them and now we know them less because they have changed. In order to maintain or re-establish a connection with your sister, brother, granddaughter or spouse, you have to make some adjustments:
find time to spend quality time often for the care of your relationshipreally look at the relationship and try to see what's going on, what's happening in the relationshipkeep your distance (respect their space) but retain your curiosity about each othercommunicate your needs and listen for theirsIt's so easy to lose contact with one another, life moments become years if you allow too much time to come between close relationship with each another. Learn to be aware, become attuned to the moods and body language of your loved ones. This isn't always easy, especially if you don't see them very often.
Now comes the hard part.
How can you alone improve the relationship? You've noticed some changes and mood swings - they always say "I'm OK" or "I'm good" with a smile but instinctively you know better. Someone has to make some changes - guess who? You...although relationships work best with two people working at them, one person can make a change. Consider if you will:
show up unexpectedly; ask about their dayfind time to be alone, just you and them, as often as possiblemost people have something in common, find out what that islisten (shut up and listen), and try hard to understand each othertell your family member when you are happy or unhappy about something; be honest, be humancelebrate small things (a dollar raise, a B in geometry, the end of a parole) might be small for you but huge for them.if a problem presents, try to find a solution that works for both of yousmile a lot, hug often, say "I love you," laugh togetherexpress appreciation in some way for every tiny attempt to connectRelationships are so fragile, your family tree is your true inheritance, much more precious than all the gold in Fort Knox, yet they are so hard to maintain. Your family tree is only as strong as you make it - family members are often like a rose garden I had once.
This rose garden had been neglected for years, yet the year I became its owner, I pruned, cut and fed, watered and talked to those roses. And you guessed it, every bush flowered and flourished that year, like they had never been neglected. All they needed was TLC. The second year was even better.
The members in our family tree are much more important than my rose garden and in every family there is one or two people who need a little TLC to flourish.
Darlene is an expert in relationships - why they do or don't work and she usually has a tip or two for making them work better...how you play the 'relationship game' is what often allows you to win the prize - a happier life and a lot of friends. On the next page you will learn the magic of making up. More articles on Everything Relationships can be found at http://www.darlenepeltz.com/