Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. There is no specialized training you can get, and the job description changes with each phase your child goes through. So how do you maintain a good, stable and loving relationship with your child and set appropriate limits at the same time? Here are some recommendations:
Have Clear Rules: Nothing entices a child to cross boundaries more than ambiguity. If there are no steadfast rules pertaining to things like chores, homework or curfew, your child will not even know what the boundary is. They will push the envelope at every opportunity and you as the parent will feel like they are taking advantage of you. When in reality, they do not know what the limit is because you have not set it for them. Take charge and set some clear parameters and follow through on discipline if they cross those lines.
Address People Appropriately: I have a hard time when my children call adults by their first names. I believe that children respect adults more when they address them in a respectful manner, with a Ms., Mr., or Mrs. Defining the difference between a child and an adult will determine how your child responds to that person. Their tone, responses and behaviors will almost always be more courteous and compliant when they are speaking to someone who they perceive is in authority.
Demonstrate and Demand Respect: I have always told my children that they can close their bedroom doors, but not lock them. And out of respect for their privacy, I will knock before I enter the room. This is one very simple way to teach your children to respect your privacy while you demonstrate respect for theirs. Implement this same rule in other areas of your life. Be sure your child doesn't freely go into your purse, your closet or any other area that you deem private and personal. Require that they ask permission first and always return any possessions you may let them use.
Remember that Your Children are Your Children First and Friends Later: Do not burden your children with your adult issues. If you are upset over finances, you can share with your children that you are upset, but do not need to tell them why. Financial concerns are not appropriate for younger children, and can be internalized and obsessed over by older children if too extreme. Give them information only an as needed basis. Keep the adult conversations, like sexual details and intimate concerns, between adults. Your children need their parents to be parents now. You can be their friends later.
As children get older, it is hard to refrain from including them in increasingly more adult conversations. Gauge your child's willingness to be privy to information before you inundate them. Be sure that they want to know, and that you want to share. It is your right as a parent, just like theirs as a child, to accept or refuse to take part in any conversation that may be too overwhelming or personal. If your child is completely defiant and continually disregards boundaries you have set, consider enlisting the help of a professional so that you and your child can learn what steps to take to create a harmonious and respectful parent-child relationship.
Jennifer Wilson is a professional copywriter with special focus on family issues. You can visit her site to find a therapist in your area.