Parents of teenagers are quick to share their tales of woe of coping with the mood swings and flood of emotions that come from out of nowhere. I found myself in the middle of such a conversation just the other day at one of my granddaughter Kaitlyn's friend's birthday party.
One Dad shared his amazement at how his daughter frequently looks at him in a half-amazed half-disgusted look in response to almost everything and says, "Are you kidding me?" Another Mom topped that with the flood of tears that appears in response to questions like, "Are you going to the game tonight?"
We all took great comfort in knowing we weren't alone and appreciated the humor because we were all having similar experiences. However, the one to top, I must confess was my tale of woe...at least it got the biggest laugh!
Last week Kaitlyn, almost 14, spent the week at an overnight 4-H camp with several of her friends. I was confident she would have a wonderful experience because she was signed up for kayaking, archery and animal science...all her very favorite things to do. However, when I met her at the gate on pickup day, she didn't greet me with the same "happy to see you...boy I sure missed you" facial expression that I had seen in previous years. In fact, I barely got a hug.
Inquiring if she was alright only received a grunt that I interpreted as "yes".
Once home, she began to open up...yes, camp was great, yes, she had a blast, yes, she made some wonderful new friends...oh and by the way...yes, she met a boy!
As she began to share every minute detail of how they met and what his name was (Bobby) and how nice he was and how funny he was, and oh how very cute he was, I noticed her mood lifted and became almost giddy. It didn't take a PhD in psychology to figure out she was down in the dumps at pick up time because she didn't want to leave camp...she was experiencing her first taste of puppy love!
When this was brought to light during our conversation, the flood of tears began to flow mixed with obvious pangs of sadness. She realized she probably would never see him again as he had been a part of the group that had been brought in from other counties.
To be honest, my heart was breaking for her. I could remember my first love and how the pain just cut through my heart. I could still remember how hollow I felt when our time together came to an end. (Also a camp love story at age 14!)
I did and said everything I could think to do and say to ease her pain and then decided she just needed to walk through the experience and feel whatever she felt. I decided to just listen, knowing she would be fine in a matter of time.
After a couple of hours of reliving the entire amazing week and the saga of "Bobby and Kaitlyn", mixed with the occasional emotional outburst declaring the total and complete unfairness of life, she decided she needed to go to her room for some quiet time and rest. I agreed it was probably best.
A few hours later her grandfather arrived home from work and I clued him in to the tragedy Kaitlyn was dealing with. He felt sad that she was in pain, but we both knew this was part of growing up. We decided when she woke up we would take her and her brother to dinner at their favorite restaurant to lighten the mood.
Promptly at 6:00 p.m. we heard Kaitlyn's door open. My husband and I briefly looked at each other as if to say, "Brace yourself, here she comes!" And as she came around the corner to the kitchen, she had a smile on her face and said "Hi Papa, I didn't know you were home already, but I am so glad that you are...I need your help in the storage room."
My husband, looking totally baffled, gave a quick confused glance toward me and then said to Kaitlyn, "Sure Princess, what do you need from storage?" And she replied, "My Barbie dolls!"
Confused. Speechless. Dumbfounded. Relieved. There wasn't much at that point either of us clearly understood, but we did know one thing for sure, Kaitlyn had recovered!
The best medicine IS humor, especially when you are raising a teenager!
Denny Hagel is the founder of Awakened Parenting LLC, a company dedicated to providing parents with the tools and skills to raise their children the way Nature intended it to be. She is the author of Mini-Me Syndrome and a contributor to Infinite Field Magazine. She is a Children's Advocate and Parenting Coach. In addition Denny is raising and home schooling her two grandchildren. FREE e-Book "Becoming an Awakened Parent" > http://www.missingsecrettoparenting.com/