Adults have a natural sense of self awareness which keeps our conduct under control most of the time but small children and toddlers are yet to develop this social skill and as a result will typically end up presenting unfavorable behavior.
It is not unusual for even the most well behaved 3 year old to display bossy tendencies, leaving some parents perplexed and irritated.
Bossiness in a small child can also be caused by the feeling of authority that it can give them in a world in which grownups have all the control. They will not be doing this knowingly, but it is a behavioral instinct that they are guided byand which ultimately makes, making them feel as if they are reclaiming some of that power. This doesn't mean that we as parents aren't going to be able to bring this under control however.
How To Bring Your Toddlers Bossy Behavior Under Control
Imitation
Children have a very "monkey see, monkey do" attitude to life, so the very first thing you can do to alter their behavior is to modify yours first. This could mean winding your own bossiness back a little bit. So when you are around your children, try using the type of behavior that you would want them to emulate. Even when you aren't talking with them, they will still pick up on the way in which you act and ask people to do something.
Even when it is in YOUR nature to be this way, try to be aware of it and when your kids are around try reworking your own conduct so your toddlers see a more polite side of you.
Social Skills
Another straightforward idea, but one that is often tough to implement is to teach them good social abilities. Teach them to share from a young age. If they start being selfish, or bossy to people try asking them how they would feel if someone did the same to them. Having them think about how their conduct affects other people is a key milestone in their growth.
Give Control
Bossiness is a form of control, so when you child perceives that they don't have it, they will make an effort and take it. But suppose you granted them some control? When you ask your child if they would like spuds or peas with their fish cakes, or whether they want to see some cartoons or play with their transformers for some time you are placing some control back in their hands.
The secret to using this approach is to ask closed questions, so instead of "what do you want to do today?", you ask "would you like to go to the park today or watch some cartoons?". This provides them with a feeling of control and they will believe that they have had a say in the outcome of their day and THIS will result in not so much of of a need to take control from other people in the form of bossy behavior later on.
Attention
Fairly often, a child's bossy or disagreeable behavior is no more than a plea for attention, so take a genuine look at how much you give them every day. Take a hard honest look at whether you are enjoying enough time playing and talking with them before you yell at them for yanking at your arm to go play in the yard when all you choose to do is stand sipping beer with your friends.
Gary Sterling has written for a number of web sites on the topic of child behaviour. For more information about getting your own 3 year old to behave, please visit his website about child behavior problems or alternatively get help with your 3 year old child here